The Historic Journeys of Santa Claus: 2009

Were you naughty in 2009?

Did Santa give you something that wouldn’t fit in your stocking?

Let’s look back at another epic journey for the Man in Red, this time involving almost a complete spanking circumnavigation of the globe, covering five continents and two oceans.

Santa began work with two naughty girls in Cape Preston, Western Australia:

Then it was up to an undisclosed location somewhere in East Asia:

Across the mighty tundra rolled the sleigh, headed for a bad girl in Russia, in front of the lens of the incomparable Ellen von Unwerth:

He appointed a deputy to deal with his next job, in Germany:

Maybe he was saving his energy for the job in Haarlem in the Netherlands, where the naughtiness seems to have been especially serious:

A pre-Atlantic stopover in Kent, England, saw an encounter with a naughty girl who needed a smacked bottom but seemed rather reluctant to relinquish her skirt for the occasion:

Santa’s main business of the night was in four centers of naughtiness across four corners of North America, with one or two other tasks in between. It’s not completely certain that he made landfall at Portland, Maine,

because that’s a burlesque dancer in a false beard preparing to mete out punishment to Ludella Hahn (who had at least one other spanking encounter with Santa, which you can see here). Her name: Becky Bottoms, which might say something about the area that would be at risk in the event that Santa discovered the impersonation…

The first hotspot was New York, where four different bad girls needed to be spanked at TRASH nightclub:

27 Santa Photo booth at Trash 2013Trash 2009 5Trash 2009 126 Trash 2009 4

Then a bit of Santa substitution was discovered, and the inevitable outcome was:

31 Trash 2009 3 DJ Jess spanks Stormy Leather38Trash 2009 1Trash 2009 6

In comparison, there was only a minor matter to be dealt with in Odenton, Maryland:

Less trifling work awaited him in Alexandria, Virginia:

But in the great and naughty state of Texas, there was a lot to get through. Small stuff first:

The naughtiest girls all seemed to be in Houston, where nobody remained fully dressed for her spanking:

And next it was up to the bad girl capital of the north west, Vancouver:

And so to naughty California, starting in San Francisco:

Clearly there was especial naughtiness in Canyon Country that year:

Then a trip east to San Bernardino:

Followed by a smacked bottom in San Diego:

And before leaving California:

You might think Santa was showing his age there, but that wasn’t the end of his labors yet awhile. There was still a naughty girl to be spanked on live television in Chile:

And finally, back to the Pacific for a spanking in Hawaii:

And so Santa began his 364-day annual holiday with the satisfaction of a job well done!

The Frog Prince


Lewis Mahlmann (1927-2014) belonged to the rich puppetry culture in the Bay Area of California that thrives at the Storybook Puppet Theater in Lakeside Park, Oakland. There he staged numerous marionette and hand-puppet shows, among them The Frog Prince, which entered his repertory in 1966 and was still going strong in the mid-1990s. Its story, loosely drawn from the Brothers Grimm, concerns Princess Gwendolyn, spoiled daughter of the stout and amiable King Goodfellow, and if you think being a puppet will save her from the customary fate of a naughty princess… think again!

The play starts with Gwendolyn doing something she does obsessively throughout much of the show: playing with a golden ball she has stolen from her father’s treasury. It makes a more pleasant alternative to the arithmetic lessons her father requires her to take, and Mizard the wizard encourages her in this bad behavior; so maybe it serves him right when she knocks him into a well and naughtily leaves him down there.

Mizard’s rescuer is Prince Tad, who has come to meet Gwendolyn with a view to marriage – one of those important points which tells you the age she is, notwithstanding the age she acts. But Tad also manages to get on the wizard’s wrong side when he laughs at his dishevelled appearance (his magic robes shrunk while he was in the well), and gets turned into a frog in reprisal.

Princess Gwendolyn returns to the scene and this time it’s the golden ball that goes down the well. But at least the well also now contains a helpful frog. Well, you might think that, but Gwendolyn is evidently rather slow, because she rudely dismisses the creature before realizing he could help her retrieve her purloined plaything. Time for some back-pedalling and sweet-talking, but the frog has some conditions: if he helps her, she must let him eat from her golden plate and sleep at the foot of her bed that night; finally and most awfully, she must give him a kiss.

Gwendolyn is outraged, but eventually agrees on the basis that she won’t be keeping her side of the bargain anyways: ‘It would be alright if he were a handsome prince, but a frog? Never!’ The frog is as good as his word and retrieves the ball. She is ungrateful enough to push him back into the well.

Dinner time arrives, and the spoiled princess is appalled at the terrible food she is being served: filet mignons, asparagus and raspberry mousse! If she’s not served candy and ice cream, she decides, she’ll eat nothing at all. Then the frog arrives to claim his first reward. The King lets him in, despite Gwendolyn’s efforts to stop him, believes his story (‘frogs that talk don’t usually tell fibs’) and agrees that he may eat from Gwendolyn’s plate, then goes out in search of a napkin for their guest. While he’s away, Gwendolyn empties the plate over the frog’s head and shows him forcefully out. ‘Isn’t she sweet?’ says the King when he gets back, ‘She just loves animals.’

That night, Gwendolyn is in her nightgown and has locked her bedroom door to ensure that the frog can’t get in. If you need further evidence of her utter dimness, it lies in the fact that she leaves the window open – so the frog simply leaps in through the casement. Her cries of distress attract her father, who insists that the frog must stay the night: ‘It isn’t character-building if we don’t keep our promises.’ So Gwendolyn is forced to spend the night with a reptile, though evidence of character-building is in short supply: ‘Just you wait, Mr Slimy,’ she growls.

Back in the palace garden the next day, Mizard the wizard is putting into effect a cunning plan to keep the frog securely inside the well: he puts a metal lid over it. What he doesn’t know is that the frog has already emerged, and while he’s away fetching a stone to weigh the lid down, Gwendolyn arrives with her ball and has her third amphibian encounter: the one involving the kiss, which the frog simply hops out and steals. Disgusted, she runs off before she can witness the miraculous effect, which of course is exactly what you expect to happen when a princess kisses a frog. When the wizard returns, he is dismayed to find that Prince Tad is his old self again, and tries to renew the spell; but the Prince picks up the shiny well-lid to defend himself, and the magical fluence is reflected back from whence it came. Mizard the wizard becomes Mizard the frog.

Now Gwendolyn returns to find there is a handsome prince in the garden as well as a frog. She allows the former to introduce himself, and drops the latter into the well. But it seems there is a need for Prince Tad to prove his intentions, perhaps even his identity:

GWENDOLYN: Now, if you were a proper prince, you would have brought me a present. All true princes bring princesses presents. You should give me what I deserve.

PRINCE: I have a present for you. I have brought you what you deserve. Come here, Gwendolyn.

GWENDOLYN (curiously, approaching him): What is it? Let me have it!

PRINCE: Here it is.

(He puts her over the well and spanks her.)

A good spanking!

GWENDOLYN: Stop! Help! (She wails.) Oh-h-h-h!

PRINCE: You will learn your spelling, your arithmetic, be good to your papa, and be good to others, too!

(He spanks her again.)

GWENDOLYN: Yes, I’ll be good. (Wails again.) Oh-h-h! Yes, my prince!

PRINCE: Your Prince Tad, forevermore.

GWENDOLYN (standing): My Prince Tad forevermore.

PRINCE: We will be happy together and rule wisely, won’t we?

GWENDOLYN: Yes – yes! I’ll be good, my prince – my Frog Prince!

And that’s the end of the play.

Mahlmann was the originator and owner of the play, but he didn’t perform it single-handed: he had assistance from two other puppeteers, who also contributed character voices. In the 1973 performances, for example, you would have heard Allison Powell being spanked by David C. Jones, even though what you saw was one puppet spanking another. And if, like me, you’re finding that hard to imagine, here’s a modern performance:

Generously, Mahlmann published the script in 1974 and made it generally available for performance. Furthermore, he pointed out that you didn’t have to be a puppet-master to do it: it could also be staged by real, live actors. I don’t know if it ever has been, but it would be a show worth looking out for!

Photographer of the Week: Agnes Kubicka

Warsaw-based Agnes Kubicka says she was born to be a photographer. Celebrity shots are part of her portfolio, but everyone’s a celebrity in front of her lens: in her boudoir and glamor work, she brings out a luminous fashion-model beauty in everyday subjects.

There is also an imaginative, fantastical side to her photography.

And that’s where we come to a series documenting an encounter between the Polish television presenter Paula Tumala and a certain bearded gentleman who is much on our minds at this time of the year. Here’s Paula shot by herself:

And here’s Paula shot by Agnes:

Here’s Paula meeting Santa:

And here’s Santa spanking Paula:

If you are interested in Agnes’ work, please visit her website.

She’s Been a Naughty Girl All Year

Meet Nancy Stohlman.

She’s the lead singer of the Denver lounge metal band Kinky Mink, who in 2012 released a seasonal single in which Nancy confesses to Santa that she has been naughty all year, and encourages him to deal with her appropriately.

Now, before we listen to the song, it may be useful to give ourselves a little reminder of what Santa typically does with naughty girls.

They may find themselves being swept off their feet,

not always in an especially dignified way.

And they will usually feel the palm of Santa’s hand in a sensitive area.

But the naughtiest ones aren’t let off with anything so perfunctory and incidental as a mere smacked bottom; no, they go over Santa’s knee for a full-scale spanking.

So what, by rights, ought to happen to Nancy, who by her own admission has been naughty all year? She knows already, as you’re about to hear when we listen to ‘Tie Me Up for Christmas’:

In the course of the song she asks four times to be spanked, but she also asks four times to be tied up – so which is she going to get? Regrettably, this was how Santa obliged in the promo shoot:

Hmmm… maybe as the festive season comes round again, Kinky Mink should rerelease the song, this time with a video in which Santa really does spank her under the tree!

If you are interested in Kinky Mink’s music, please visit their website, but don’t go there expecting you’re going to see Nancy get a spanking, from Santa or anyone else!

Men are Like Streetcars: 1952-53

The first production of the school year was on October 28, the junior play at Fort Madison High School, Iowa:

‘Spare the rod,’ reads the yearbook caption, but he’s certainly not sparing the rolled-up magazine!

October 31: in the junior play at Odebolt High School, Iowa, Richard Treman spanks Nancy Rector:

November 5: Albert Michelbach spanks Sonia Deason in the senior play at Flagstaff High School, Arizona:

On now to November 21-22 at San Rafael High School, California. The production was double cast: one pair was Ted King and Clareen Lueth, but the picture shows Steve Golsch spanking Janet Leonardi:

December 11-12: the senior play at Elizabethtown Area High School, Pennsylvania, and Richard Wenger spanks Julie Shank:

21 1953 Elizabethtown Area HS

The week before, the local paper reported sympathetically that Julie was being spanked every night in rehearsals, ‘and neither one of them believes in halfway measures, either’.

December 12: in the senior play at Rosedale High School, Kansas City, Kansas, Jim Price spanks Pat Denney, who has autographed the picture:

Also in the fall term, the junior play at Minnetonka High School, Minnesota:

January 22-24: the senior play at Haverford High School, Havertown, Pennsylvania, was double cast. The photo shows John Develin spanking Carol Ann Mano:

January 24: Joe Agopay spanks Karen Ellsworth in the junior play at Chaffey High School, Ontario, California:

04a 1953 Chaffey HS

January 28: Peggy Lewis is spanked by Richard Steyert in the junior play at Allentown High School, Pennsylvania:

04 1953 Allentown HS

February 26-27: the junior play at Leavenworth High School, Kansas, was another one that was double cast, with Sally Evans and Judy Jones as Maudie. The girl in the photo appears to be Sally Evans:

Also in February, the senior drama club play at Baldwin High School, New York:

March 26-27: the junior play at Hughesville High School, Pennsylvania, and Larry Corson spanks Myra Ann Smith:

March 27: in the senior play at Sinton High School, Texas, Billy Mack Spencer spanks Marilyn Moore:

April 6: Kenneth Burkholder spanks Patricia Haupert in the senior play at Wabash High School, Indiana:

May: the senior play at Swissvale High School, Pennsylvania, in which Dick McCarrick spanks Barb Kelly:

The rest, as usual, are in alphabetical order, and begin with Berwick Academy, Maine, where Severance Gouls spanks Mabel White Sullivan:

At Bremerton High School, Washington, Paul Berg spanks Joan Engdahl:

In the junior play at Chillicothe High School, Illinois, Mary Johnson’s Maudie gets a spanking from Ralph Learnard:

The senior play at Downington High School, Pennsylvania: Howard Charles spanks Mary Jo Di Beredinis:

The senior play at the Girls’ Trade and Technical High School, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The interesting thing here is that it’s a girls’ school, so all the roles are played by girls.  Sharon Napierala spanks Alice Hackstein:

The senior play at Gorton High School, Warwick, Rhode Island, and Thomas Muto spanks June Ryan:

At Macon, Georgia, the Dramatics Club play at Miller High School:

The senior play at Mount Gilead High School, North Carolina:

The junior play at Muskegon Heights High School, Michigan; Wayne Reid spanks Connie Herrala:

The junior play at New Britain High School, Connecticut; Ronald Foster spanks Dorann Heslin:

The senior play at Olney High School, Texas; Billy Osborn spanks Jane Roach:

Warrensburg High School, New York; William Sprague spanks Joanne Nilan:

The senior play at Waynesboro Area High School, Pennsylvania: Allen White spanks Patricia Rinehart:

And with that grand finale, we pass on to the next school year.

Photographer of the Week: Richard Gravy

Chips and Gravy Images has studios in both Manchester and Hull, allowing photographer Richard Gravy to cover the north of England systematically. Striving to achieve something a little different from the usual run of glamor imagery, he describes his work as ‘unconventional’, though like everyone who shoots in the pinup and fetish genres, his portfolio includes a bit of bondage…

and a bit of Bettie.

Well, actually, quite a lot of Bettie:

(There’s actually quite a lot of bondage too, but that’s not really the point here.)

He’s drawn to abandoned buildings, drawing a contrast between, on the one hand, the straight lines of the walls and the ‘grotty’ surroundings, and, on the other, the youthful beauty and vigor of the models.

But the girls themselves are far from grungy. In fact, some of them couldn’t be shinier!

And as you can see, they will often end up horizontal in a Gravy shoot.

Well, yes, but also…

They may even find themselves horizontal in a dangerous place.

And the most dangerous horizontal position of all is here assumed by Lea Arnell – over the lap of Santa Claus, played by Tanya Taylor for the occasion.

If you are interested in Richard’s work, please visit his Instagram account.

Marking Bottoms (Part 4)

We have been watching The FEMEN girls: eleven plucky activists taking part in a street theater performance mounted in November 2009 to protest sexual harassment of university students by their professors. The metaphor for unwanted sexual attention from teachers is spanking: the girls have been spanked and spanked and spanked again, and as we pick up the story, the twentieth spanking of the day is coming to an end… but the show is going on!

The girls are breaking up their demo at the back. As the Professor releases Natasha, Alexandra presents herself to the Rector and lies down across his knee.

Thrice-spanked Natasha is free…

but it seems thrice-spanked Alexandra is going to be spanked again – but this time with the Rector’s injured right hand!


Kristina presents herself to the Professor with a waggle of her bottom and a tug to ensure that her panties are still tight.

Meanwhile Anastasia lowers herself onto the Dean’s knee – the wrong way up!

The Professor lands a preliminary smack on Kristina’s bottom.

But Olga bravely puts herself into spanking position on top of Kristina.

Meanwhile, Oksana likewise puts herself facedown on top of Alexandra, and Anna makes herself the next tier on the Dean’s lap.

A third layer of girls builds up. Yulianna is now on top of Olga.

Back with the Dean, Anna has unwisely assumed a perfect spanking position on top of Anastasia. But Olesja comes to the rescue!

The Rector manages to get Oksana’s skirt up, but Anjutka piles herself facedown onto the heap – the only time in the performance she goes over anyone’s knee. But it looks as though there’s no room for Evgenia on top.

Finally Natasha leans over Yulianna and the Prof’s pileup is complete.

The sheer volume of girls handicaps the teachers: the intended spankings are defeated by collective action. FEMEN power!

last lineup

But the teachers keep on trying. Laughing uproariously, the Professor does his best to spank the closest available bottoms, belonging to Yulianna…

and Natasha:

Panning right, the Rector has a bigger problem: his arm is pinned down and he just can’t reach far enough to spank those inviting pink panties.

The only damage he can do to Oksana’s bottom is to pinch it. She kicks her legs attractively.

Look at Alexandra. She’s leading the girls in a collective chant of ‘No to the Institute of Prostitution’.

But if you didn’t know that, you might think she was carrying on like a soundly spanked girl!

Look right again, and the Dean is having slightly more success, thanks to the fact that, with only three girls on top of him, he’s slightly less encumbered than his colleagues. Olesja hasn’t chosen the perfect protective position, because it leaves Anna’s lower half still exposed and vulnerable. So the determined Dean starts the spanking:

His main problem is distraction: Anastasia may be out of harm’s way, but there are still two bottoms available to smack.

He pulls Olesja’s skirt up, giving us our first proper sight of her big black panties.

And then she gets her bottom smacked several times more.

It’s a moot point whether that should count as a proper spanking, but there’s not much room for doubt when the Dean’s attention turns back to Anna.

Well might she look panicked, because her skirt is coming up too.

Against all the odds, it’s her third spanking of the day!

And there we are. Three wicked teachers overwhelmed by a gang of pretty girls, their final spanking attempts mostly reduced to near futility. With that, the theatrical event is coming to an end, and the girl bundles have to be dismantled. Natasha gets off the top, but the laughing Professor seizes the chance to give Yulianna one last smack.

The other piles are also coming apart, though Oksana’s skirt takes its time obeying the law of gravity.

Yulianna adjusts her skirt the moment she’s free.

With the other girls off Kristina’s back, the Professor decides to try his luck,

and warms his hands in preparation for warming her seat!

She gathers up her books and makes a speedy escape.

She too adjusts her skirt once she’s upright,

though it has to be said that she’s not all that keen to cover up her allegiance to FEMEN!

And so the performance, and the spankings, are finally over. The girls have really enjoyed themselves (and two of them, Anjutka and Anna, went out of their way to say so on social media afterwards), but they are all a little tired, and many of them are a little sore, too.

The spankers’ chairs are removed. The girls have taken the name cards off the back.


‘Dean’, ‘Rector’ and ‘Professor’ are torn into little pieces and thrown on the ground. The performance is over now, and it’s time for the politics to kick in…


Much of the internet and press reaction to the demo was predictable. Louts called the girls prostitutes and sniggered about taking teaching jobs in Ukraine. Some speculated about how difficult it was to find volunteers to take part, and whether the girls got spanked harder than they had expected. Reporting the protest gave journalists worldwide plenty opportunity for puns, but this example from a Hong Kong newspaper takes the prize:

‘A Ukrainian women’s group says the lesson being delivered in front of the education ministry in Kiev is a slap for authorities, who are failed for turning the other cheek when hit by harassment claims from female students rather than getting to the bottom of them. Main targets of the spanking team are male professors at colleges, said to be in a class of their own for leaving no marks when some girls face exams.’

The papers mainly treated it as an oddball ‘man bites dog’ story: in effect, ‘militant feminists spanked in support of women’s rights’. But it was a lot more sophisticated than that.

The FEMEN of 2009 didn’t subscribe to the joyless Andrea Dworkin school of feminism, which postulates that men demean and oppress women by looking at them with a sexual eye, and that erotic representations of women are the root cause of sexual abuse and rape. Those of us whose kink is (imaginary, fictional) nonconsensual spanking know just how silly that is. So did FEMEN. That’s why snide remarks about ‘trying to put out the fire with oil’ miss the mark. Feminists will never force a fundamental change in men’s sexuality by wearing overalls and scowling. Instead, FEMEN actively celebrated femininity and used their own sexual attractiveness for positive political ends. It was the sexiness as well as the originality of their protest ‘actions’ that helped get them noticed (the spanking protest in particular caught the media’s imagination), with the aim of raising awareness of the issues. And that means it’s time for a message from our benefactresses…

The ‘A-Ta-Ta’ action came about after Vasily Mikhailov, the Rector of one of Kiev’s institutions of higher education, was jailed as a pedophile. The authorities insisted that this was a single, isolated case of sexual misconduct by a senior academic, but the FEMEN girls, many of whom were students, had grassroots knowledge to the contrary: there was a wider problem of sexual harassment by some teachers, and the victims were often too frightened and embarrassed to complain or go to the police, lest they be expelled or thrown out of student housing.

FEMEN’s demonstration was intended to call attention to the problem and demand action from the Ministry. The performance, purporting to show how pretty girls can pass their exams in Ukraine, was a potent metaphor, not necessarily a literal enactment of the cause for complaint: teachers who demand sex for grades are abusing their students, so the spankings made a witty representation of both sides of the coin.


FEMEN were asking the Ministry to set up a formal investigation of the problem, establish an anonymous helpline for victims of abuse and automatically suspend academics from duty should they fall under suspicion. Back to Kiev now to see how they got on…

After shouting some more slogans, the girls attempted to force their way into the Ministry to deliver their demands in person to the Minister of Education. The redhead in jeans on the extreme left is Anna Hutsol, the third co-founder of FEMEN.

They were quickly ejected, much to Olesja’s annoyance in particular.

But about ten minutes after the spanking performance had ended, word came that the Deputy Minister, Taras Finikov, was coming out to speak to FEMEN. Alexandra swiftly decided to turn it into another photo opportunity: she would walk up to Finikov with her bottom exposed to the cameras. But a quick check of her rear aspect revealed disorder in the panty department!

Oksana helped straighten her out, tucking Alexandra’s ‘private panties’ out of sight, and she was all ready to go.

While they waited, it seems Kristina had an idea of her own, which also called for a nice snug bottom.

This time it was Alexandra who helped out.

What Kristina’s going to do will have to wait for a moment, because Finikov is coming out, so it’s time for Alexandra to make her exhibitionistic entrance.

There followed an impassioned discussion between the activist and the politician, who accepted a letter outlining FEMEN’s demands.

According to one observer, the encounter failed as a civilised exchange of views because Alexandra kept interrupting the Minister and the others wouldn’t stop chanting slogans.

finikov and alex

The most piquant part of the meeting came when Alexandra insisted on showing him her bottom. ‘Look,’ she seems to be saying, ‘I’ve been spanked!’

What did Finikov think of that?

Well, probably not what it looks like there!

Bottoms continued to be a center of attention elsewhere, too. While Alexandra was busy showing her panties to the Minister, most of the other girls got together for one last photo opportunity, one last shout.

last shout

And now we see why Kristina needed her panties straightening out. She ruefully fingers her spanked bottom, then shows it off to the cameras.

The other girls get the idea: Yulianna brings her pink panties into view, and Olesja hitches her skirt up too.

Anjutka too puts a rueful hand on her bottom – even though it was never spanked!

Natasha joins in, sort of,

and as Anastasia’s skirt comes up, we see exactly why the Rector didn’t raise it for her spanking!

Finally Evgenia comes on the scene, and the photographers get a lovely lineup of soundly spanked girls, including three pairs of colorful panties and one bare bottom.

line c

Last of all, Alexandra arrives, fresh from some television interviews, and she leads the girls in a conga line of spanked bottoms.

They were spanked in a good cause. Sexual blackmail by a very small minority of unscrupulous professors may be a problem that disproportionately affects young women, but that doesn’t mean it’s just a ‘women’s issue’: everybody, irrespective of gender, should care about honesty and integrity. Students should be awarded grades in accordance with the quality of their academic work, and if anyone awards or accepts a high grade for any other reason, they are, in plain terms, cheating.

‘I am a 5+ student,’ declares Olesja. Obviously she is – but only because the Professor got to spank her!

FEMEN went on to stage further inventive protests and stunts in the ensuing months and years. The possibility that the Euro 2012 championship might be used as an opportunity for sex tourism and prostitution was highlighted in a mock football match in subzero temperatures. The players included five girls from the spanking protest.

(In the last picture, the girl in the white panties is Olesja.)

During the 2010 Ukrainian presidential election campaign, they handled corruption by stopping motorists and offering to buy their votes in what they called a ‘Sexit Poll’.

One driver misunderstood and drove off with Alexandra’s bottom half sticking out of his car window!

A more frivolous cause for protest was the Ukrainian team’s failure to win even a single medal in the 2010 Winter Olympics. For FEMEN were nothing if not patriotic.

The national sporting failure was sardonically marked with ‘Cows on Ice’, a farcical display of winter sports on an ice rink. Here are Alexandra in blue and Evgenia in pink:

Here’s a demo about interruptions to the hot water supply in Kiev: public bathing in their undies!

After the elections returned a more oppressive, less Western government, FEMEN’s activities were more centered on feminist issues in domestic politics, and they were arrested more often – usually under statutes prohibiting public nudity.

In 2011, they protested the sex scandals associated with the then Italian President Silvio Berlusconi… by pelting the Italian Embassy in Kiev with panties. Here you can see how they smuggled their ammo close enough to the embassy: by wearing them!

(That’s Alexandra on the left.)

And as the focus shifted more and more in the direction of nudity, they tried to raise funds by selling ‘boob prints’ in the colors of the Ukrainian flag. Oksana went one better and made hers a ‘bottom print’!

How did the ‘A-Ta-Ta’ performance sit in the context of all these protest ‘actions’? At first, it seems, quite well. At the end of the year, FEMEN had a photoshoot commemorating their various protests of 2009, from Alexandra’s bold exploit of throwing a cake at a misogynist writer and the sexy football match, through demos about Google and the swine flu epidemic. (The second girl from the left is wearing underwear made out of protective anti-flu face masks.)

femen commem

And there dead center is Kristina dressed up in a version of her ‘A-Ta-Ta’ outfit and showing her bottom to the camera yet again. This time she sports heels rather than boots and a different, briefer pair of panties. But the crucial difference is that there’s no Rector to spank her…

So in 2009, it was a show FEMEN felt proud of, and rightly so: biased though I may be, I’d name it as the most tightly conceived and wittily executed piece of protest theater they ever did. But I bet it won’t be restaged in the feature film dramatization of the group’s history that is due to begin shooting in 2020. For latterly, it seems, the show has been forgotten, or even airbrushed out of their collective memory. Maybe that’s because FEMEN is fissile, like all ideologically committed movements. (Think of the Judean People’s Front and the People’s Front of Judea.) There have been several splits in the past decade, reflecting changes of thinking, strategy and personnel, so the more radical modern FEMEN may well look back in embarrassment on their early escapades like ‘A-Ta-Ta’. But it goes without saying that I’d be delighted to be proven wrong about that!

And what became of the eleven girls?

After trouble with the Ukrainian security forces in 2013, Alexandra Shevchenko and Oksana Shachko relocated to Paris, where Oksana became an exhibited artist; Alexandra is still in France, but, sadly, Oksana is no longer with us. Evgenia Kraizman stayed in Kiev and remained associated with FEMEN, whereas Anastasia Terekh distanced herself from the movement as the group embraced full nudity in their protests and became more radical in their politics. Anna Volokhova also stayed in Kiev for a while, got herself tattooed and did some modeling, before eventually moving to Vietnam. Kristina Novickaya became a professional dancer and model with an international career; at the time of writing she’s no longer blonde and lives in Dubai. Yulianna Lavrenko and Olga Kachanova both settled down to domestic bliss and children. And as for Olesja Kolyucha, Natasha Fomulyaeva and Anjutka Efremova, we don’t know what became of them. But hopefully they are all healthy and happy!

Back in 2009, the spanking leader board reads like this, with the results in the traditional reverse order.

Anjutka doesn’t appear to have gotten spanked at all.

Last place for her!

It’s hard to adjudicate between tenth, ninth and eighth places. Anastasia, Evgenia and Olesja all got just one spanking each, but only Evgenia apparently got it on her panties, which ought to give her the advantage.

But Olesja and Anastasia both got extra smacks, which evens the score a little and will be a useful tie-breaker later, too. Olesja got them on her panties in the final bundle,

whereas Anastasia was smacked by the Rector immediately before her brief skirt spanking, and it was in effect on her bare bottom!

So you’ll have to make your own mind up who goes where in that group. At least it’s clear who belongs in seventh place: with two spankings, one on her panties and one on her skirt, it’s Kristina.

But two girls got two spankings on their panties. Olga comes in at the number six spot.

It was a spectacular show,

But Yulianna pips her into fifth place

by virtue of the extra few smacks she got on her skirt in the closing bundle.

And for the top four we have the girls who each got three spankings. In fourth place comes Natasha,

who got two on her skirt and one on her panties.

The number three position goes to Oksana,

who got two spankings on her panties and one on her skirt.

Anna’s first two spankings were on her panties,

but the third one started on her skirt and finished on her panties, which just secures her second place.

And the winner is Alexandra,

because she got all three spankings on her panties!

After the show, Alexandra was asked if she was cold performing outdoors in November. ‘Not cold!’ she answered; ‘Very hot!’

In every sense!

Note: Two contemporary news reports, including some of the video footage shot during the performance, may be viewed here and here.