The Historic Journeys of Santa Claus: 2011

In this occasional and inevitably seasonal series we’re going to use the retro-tracker to follow the voyages of Santa’s sleigh in years gone by, just as we recently did for his 2015 journey. And to inaugurate the series we go back half a decade to 2011, a year when Santa’s spanking mission both began and ended in London, but mainly entailed a great deal of work on the west coast of America, meting out justice to a statistically improbable concentration of naughty girls there.

London was no small task either, as Santa found when he visited Whiteley’s department store for a personal appearance sponsored by the city’s open-air Nomad Cinema. It began when one naughty girl, who had her boyfriend in tow, made Santa an offer she thought he couldn’t refuse:

Nomad 2011 a

Yes, Santa did get rid of the boyfriend, but only so that he could give her what she deserved. Who needs mistletoe? (Remember that phrase; you’ll be seeing it again…)

Nomad 2011 bNomad 2011 c

Next, please!

Nomad 2011 dNomad 2011 eNomad 2011

You know, these wimpy boyfriends are doing a terrible job at defending their womenfolk. But the third time, Santa struck unlucky. One naughty girl…

Nomad 2011 fNomad 2011 g

Her consort may at first be surprised, but he quickly realizes what he has to do:

Nomad 2011 h

And so the lady gets away…

Nomad 2011 i

There won’t be many more of those, I promise. And the last one at Whiteley’s didn’t have a boyfriend to protect her, because she was Santa’s naughty little helper:

Nomad 2011 jNomad 2011 kNomad 2011 lNomad 2011 m

Santa also had to attend a Christmas party in Soho for the London branch of the firm Yelp Inc. And Yelp may be just what a few bad girls found themselves doing during his visit.

Yelp 1Yelp 2Yelp 3Yelp 4

So that’s Santa’s business done in London. Up in Stirling, Scotland, there was a naughty girl named Anna who had some small claim on his attention…

2011 Anna Millar

But with a long naughty list awaiting him in the US, he didn’t tarry, but quickly made his way across the Atlantic. His first stop was in Brooklyn, New York:

2011 Brooklyn

Santa needed to head southwards, but there was a lady named Chelsea over in Buffalo who needed a spanking. So Santa despatched his most fearsome assistant to do the honors:

2011 Buffalo NY Chelsea Wagner spanked by Krampus

Next stop, Washington, DC. Next on the list, Hottie McNaughty:

2011 Hottie McNaughty the-naughty-list

Down south now to Daphne, Alabama:

2011 Daphne Alabama 12011 Daphne Alabama 6

Over to New Orleans, where burlesque dancer Kitty Kaos was on the naughty list:

jian-bastille-kitty-kaos-in-the-fleur-de-tease-holiday-show-2011

And up to Kansas City, Missouri:

Santa’s well across the country now. At the Tao nightclub in Las Vegas, he found the locals were not great respecters of the season:

08 Tao Blizzard on the Beach 2011

And now he’s reached California. In Whittier, it looks as if he faced a dilemma. Had Jane been only slightly naughty, or very naughty? Because, as you can see, she only deserved a smacked bottom, not a full-scale spanking… and yet it seems she also deserved to get it on her panties!

2011 Jane in Whittier California

Maybe he was just saving his energy as he approached his next major hotspot for hot-bots: Los Angeles. First there was  a little work to do at the R Bar speakeasy-style nightclub, which operates a password system. Luckily Santa knew the password, though perhaps not everyone may have been entirely happy about that:

12 2011 R Bar LA

But his main reason for being in LA was to pay a call on burlesque dancer Bunny Jones, who works with the troupe Dirty Little Secrets. She may well have been the naughtiest girl of the year, because she certainly got the very best Santa spanking of the year:

Dirty Little Secrets 1Dirty Little Secrets 2Dirty Little Secrets 3 Barnaby Jones and Bunny Jones

Now that – unlike the seat of Bunny’s panties – just can’t be beat!

Dirty Little Secrets 4

Do you think she wanted someone to kiss it better?

Before leaving the LA district altogether, there was the little matter of a smacked bottom needed in Granada Hills:

2011 Granada Hills California

Another one was administered in San Francisco on Santa’s northward route:

2011 San Francisco Joy Fan smacked

But up in Seattle, there was a very heavy caseload awaiting him. Strike One:

2011 Indie Rock 12011 Indie Rock photo by John Hollingsworth2011 Indie Rock

Next at the Hideout bar on Boren Avenue, where Santa was, regrettably, not quite so good on the OTK positioning:

Hideout Seattle 1Hideout Seattle 2Hideout Seattle 4Hideout Seattle 3

Was he starting to get tired? At least he got his enthusiasm back by the time he arrived at the Trust nightclub, to the extent that it seems he inadvertently exposed a naughty superheroine’s secret identity:

18 Trust Seattle 2011 Kryptonite Nick as Santa spanks Jade Owen photo by Sarah Lovrien

Onward now to Everett, Washington, where clothing store owner Hotrod Heidi had earned herself a Santa spanking:

2011 Hotrod Heidi of Everett Washington State

Across the border in Vancouver, Santa’s services were very badly needed at the fetish nightclub Noir, where there was apparently a naughtiness epidemic.

Noir (1)Noir (2)Noir (3)Noir (4)

Others were on hand to help out Santa with his task.

Noir (5)Noir (6)Noir (7)Noir (8)

In fact, many Santas made light work!

Noir (9)

Noir (10)

Especially for this next girl: so bad they spanked her twice!

Noir (11)Noir (12)

Next it was up to the city of Kamloops, where Santa again decided to delegate his duties:

kamloops-burlesque-2011

And before leaving British Columbia, he also had a date with Kelsie:

2011 British Columbia Kelsie Pringle smacked

Then he dipped down over the border to administer some whackings in Pekin, Illinois…

2011-pekin-illinois

… and then in St John’s, Michigan:

2011 St John's Michigan Beth Russell whacked2011 St John's Michigan Jodi Whitford whacked

Hmm, you don’t suppose that Santa might be an imposter, do you? More on that story later…

But Santa really was in Michigan, because Doppelganger saw him there:

doppelganger-04-2011-nov-21

And so to the end of the voyage in London – London, Ontario, that is, where Santa had a thing or two to say to Mary Kate here:

2011 London Ontario Mary Kate McKenna

Santa can take a well-deserved rest now, but as usual several ladies ended up on a charge of impersonating a jolly old fat man in a sleigh. One such offense was committed in Miami, Florida, and resulted in a well-deserved…

2011 Miami

It seems to have been a more serious matter in Lansing, Michigan, where these girls are about to pay the price:

2011 Lansing Michigan

And it’s really no surprise that there was more than one serious case in Vancouver, is it?

Noir (14)Noir (13)

Finally, in San Diego, California, meet April Mel of the Caburlesque Kittens troupe. Here she is dressed for her act as a naughty schoolgirl:

Caburlesque Kittens April Mel

But her dressing-up antics also extended to Santa hubris, and she too paid for it on the seat of her panties, courtesy of Mama Kitty:

Caburlesque Kittens Mama Kity spanks April Mel Dec 21 2011

Talking of burlesque troupes, we also have one last thing to cover. It concerns the adorably naughty Bunny Jones, whose colleagues in Dirty Little Secrets Burlesque contrived to make her Santa spanking not only the very best of the lot, but also the most public – by using a photograph of it on their Christmas show posters in several subsequent years!

Dirty Little Secrets 2013

Hurrah for Bunny, and hurrah for Santa (who was in reality her husband Barnaby)… and hurrah too for all the other Santas of 2011, and all the other girls they smacked and spanked!

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