By the time this article is done, you will have seen Kylie Minogue getting spanked.
The Australian pop princess has been known for her superlatively shapely bottom since at least 2000, when she famously wore skintight gold shorts for her ‘Spinning Around’ video.
And she’s been trading on her gorgeous glutes ever since!
So she can bet her bottom dollar – OK, just betting her bottom will do – that if she ever auctioned the chance to spank her, there’d be an awful lot of takers.
You should be so lucky!
Actually, we can demonstrate the likely popularity of Kylie-spanking with reference to her waxwork in Madame Tussauds, which is said to be the sexiest they ever made.
The reason? Let’s take a closer look at the operative end.
And the trouble with that was that many visitors to the famous wax museum regarded this particular waxwork as, shall we say, interactive.
And that was a major problem: one smacked bottom might be harmless enough, but when it happens hundreds of times every day, there were certain cumulative effects on the wax.
To cut a long story short, the museum had to replace Kylie’s bottom – several times!
Eventually, they tried to discourage such attentions by making a slight alteration to the outfit.
It doesn’t seem to have worked!
There was another reason for making the waxwork more modest: Kylie herself was embarrassed. When the effigy was first unveiled, she told the press that, if she’d known this was what they were going to make, she’d never have agreed to it, because it wasn’t a true representation of her. Yes, she had assumed that particular position onstage. Yes, she had worn a dress like that. Yes, she had worn similar panties. But never all at once: the waxwork was a composite of several authentic Kylie attributes which, taken together, ratcheted up the sexiness beyond anything Kylie herself would have considered.
And that might also be a useful approach to the problem of how we might see Kylie being spanked, even though she has never (so far as is known) done a spanking scene: break it down into component parts.
There’s much promise in many Kylie performances, which often featured little skirts rising to show off her famous bottom.
But for some spanking enthusiasts, the skirt coming up is not enough: the panties must be pulled down too. Better try the cover of a 2014 Italian edition of GQ magazine:
In fact, Kylie’s bare bottom is no stranger to GQ, witness these images from 2000:
For others, position is more important than the state of dress or undress. We need to see Kylie horizontal, face down, legs kicking in the air. We need to see her controversial 2014 ‘Sexercize’ video:
It’s a near-OTK position that she recreated several times in the song’s performances and publicity.
A prone Kylie isn’t an uncommon sight, actually.
But for an uncovered, vulnerable Kylie, let’s check out her 2014 promo shoot for the Scandinavian underwear giant Sloggi.
That’s an attractive sight, to be sure, but Sloggi topped it when they got Kylie into their signature snug white cotton panties:
Don’t you wish there was a seated man in that photograph?
But I’m not just teasing: you really are going to see Kylie being spanked. And I do mean spanked, not just smacked like the waxwork. But to see it, we shall have to take a trip into the land of unfulfilled rumor.
For example, in 2016 there was a rumor that Kylie was going to join Madonna onstage at the Melbourne gig in her Rebel Heart tour. And that then escalated, as rumors will, to a claim that, like many another celebrity before her, Kylie was going to be spanked by Madonna. What a shame that never happened! But we’re more concerned with something else that never happened.
In 2007, there was a revival of the popular 1950s St Trinian’s film series, with Rupert Everett taking over the role of the headmistress played in the original by Alistair Sim, while the head girl was played by the delicious, personable and very callipygean Gemma Arterton.
But before production started, the rumor mills had an alternative casting for Gemma’s role: none other than callipygean Kylie. This led one film magazine to speculate about a possible scene featuring her and Everett:
Sad to say, it was all wishful thinking – no spanking scene for Kylie, nor for Gemma either. But at least you can now say that you have seen Miss Minogue being spanked. Happy birthday, dear Kylie!