Improv Outdoors

Out and about and need to administer a spanking? If you’re boating, an oar may come in handy:

Hugh O’Brian has the same idea in this publicity still for the 1953 saga of the Alaska fur trade, Back to God’s Country:

(The recipient is Marcia Henderson, and she’s bent over the knee of her screen husband, Rock Hudson.)

Other aquatic implements are available, and are a lot more convenient for spanking in the strictest sense of the word:

Once you’ve towelled yourself off, an alternative option will present itself, as it does to Van Johnson when dealing with June Allyson in Too Young to Kiss (1951):

And if you’re by the waterside for other reasons, you may have other suitable equipment:

Don’t want to ruin your rod, or frighten the fish? Then the spanking had better wait until you’ve caught something!

But maybe now we’re getting silly. And of course, swimming and fishing aren’t the only sports in the world.

If baseball and billiards are too rough, how about tennis?

And it has really happened, in 2014, to Australian Grand Slam champion Rennae Stubbs, when one ‘Fault!’ too many meant this from her mixed doubles partner Sébasten Grosjean:

Does that count as racket abuse? And anyhow, maybe it’s going too far the other way: someone did once say that spanking a girl with a tennis racket would make her bottom resemble a red waffle, but catgut’s probably too springy to be truly effective. So let’s meet halfway with pingpong:

Now that seems like a much more satisfactory choice! Of course, you do actually have to be playing pingpong at the time, and the game doesn’t appeal to everybody. But if you need a sure-fire set of implement options that will work wherever you happen to be… well, come back next week.