Better Shades of Spanking

I think I have been too lenient with the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey. The spanking scene is completely inept, of course,

but hitherto I’ve been inclined to cut the filmmakers some slack on the assumption that they knew no better.

I should have looked at the behind-the-scenes footage.

So they did know how to do a well-positioned spanking scene after all – and then chose to print the hopeless version that ended up in the film!

The irony is that almost anyone in the mainstream seems to be able to do a spanking scene better than the one in the Fifty Shades movie, even when they are trying to quote or parody Fifty Shades itself.

Take the French cartoonist Estelle Bauchot. When the sequel, Fifty Shades Darker, opened in France in February 2017, she imagined Jamie Dornan, who plays Christian Grey, going on a fortnight’s publicity tour of France during which he would spank all comers (or at least all willing, adult, female comers) before each screening. Here’s Estelle’s estimation of how popular that stunt would have been:

Then there’s the now defunct video parody series, the Key of Awesome, which we’ve already encountered putting a spanking into a Nicky Minaj song. In 2015, one of their offerings posed the question whether Fifty Shades would still be a turn-on if Christian Grey wasn’t rich: Fifty Shades of Broke! The role of Anastasia is taken by comedienne Beth Hoyt, who’s usually blonde:

But she went rather more than fifty shades darker for the video! Here she is being spanked by Colin Hanlon as the newly bankrupt Mr Grey:

And here’s the video:

Our last example dates from June 2018, when a pole-dancing show in Chicago featured a steamy routine based on Fifty Shades, starring a performer named Laura, and showed her inexorable progress towards to the following conclusion:

Kudos to them all, and for the makers of the Fifty Shades movie, a sound spanking – metaphorical, of course.

Dakota Johnson - Fifty Shades of Grey - UR - 06_1

Well, maybe a literal one for Dakota Johnson…

2 thoughts on “Better Shades of Spanking

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